Saturday, 18 July 2015

Capture and remember

Wednesday 10th June #10

Today you are 15 weeks old. I had a message from a friend last night. I wrote a poem, which sometimes I do, and sent it to a few people who like that sort of thing.

You have to
Think things
And tell them
To the wind
Or dig a
Deep and wide
And shout them
Into the earth
In the hope
That it might
Swallow up
Whatever it is
You need
To scream about
Before someone
And tries to
It back on
In reality
Every day
Is the same
The sun rises
The sun sets
And however much
It may feel
That this
Doesn't happen
Or it happens
It is but a wave
And the ocean
Is the same
There's a storm
Or not
It's still
Just water
Which can
Crush you
Or soothe
In equal
Quite beyond

He replied with: Nice one, you wouldn't believe  how apt for today!

And the strange thing about my poems is that they often have that effect. But that isn't what I'm writing to you about today.

His girlfriend had her baby last night. It was born just short of 24 weeks. That's very early and only time will tell. They also nearly had another baby but that didn't ever get born.

I think what I am learning is how precious and fragile life is. Not that I didn't know that before, but it is very different now.  And consequently how precious you are and how lucky we have been so far.

This life we live is very busy. There often isn't time to take real notice of what is happening, what is going on. And part of that is the beauty of living and part of that is also the sadness of living so quickly.

We don't always get time to really see what is going on. To cherish the beauty and the magic. To feel and appreciate it. Because so many things happen so much of the time that's it's hard to keep track.

There was a crash last week on a ride at Alton towers. A 17 year old girl lost her leg. At that moment, her whole life changed forever.

And what we don't realise is that these important moments aren't marked just by the big events. Every little event is life changing in its own way. And it's so hard but we must, and you must, do our very best to capture and remember as many moments as possible. Big or small.

At 15 weeks apparently you can now hear, and you've started to be able to wee. And when we look at your mum's tummy, it's hard to believe you're there at all. But you are.

Today I talked to you. I don't know really if you can hear me at all. Maybe the vibrations. Maybe you can. Maybe you can't.

Apparently you'll know our voices (me and your mum) before we even see each other. And your mum said, after I'd spoken to you in her tummy, that just maybe you moved a little.

Like I said, maybe you did and maybe you didn't but these are moments of magic. And this is a special one. But all moments are magic and you should try your best to see that in all the good and bad that will happen in your life. And maybe don't see any of it as good or bad. Just one big adventure that you should enjoy and make space for as often as is possible.

Your mum changed the game a bit tonight. She's prone to doing that. She made me add the poem and she made me read this to you. So this entry, somewhere in your consciousness, you've already heard. How crazy is that?